Peter A. Thiel, co-founder and former chief executive officer of the online payments system PayPal, announced Saturday he is pledging $3.5 million “to support scientific research into the alleviation and eventual reversal of the debilities caused by aging.”

I’m glad that I chose to do all of my online transactions through a service that was founded by a fucking dime novel madman. Sure, the quest for immortality sounds like a noble enough endeavor, but doesn’t it always turn out poorly in the stories? Either you end up needing to drink blood to sustain your youthfulness, or some guy shows up trying to cut off your head to steal your power. Or you’ll find yourself in the swamps of Florida with Malaria. Good looking out Ponce De Leon.

Although when you look at the way our country’s leader doles out billions in an attempt to kill a concept, Mr. Thiel and his wacky world of Immortal antics start to look pretty down to earth.

In any case, just remember that donations to me are donations toward the eternal life fund. You want to live forever, don’t you?

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So I’ve been presented with this problem. Me ma’ said that I needed to figure out what I wanted for my birthday prefacing it with a story of how she bought my little brother something moderately expensive and felt that to be fair she would have to buy all of her boys something in that price range for their birthdays. You just wish you had problems like this. So I’ve been rolling things over in my mind and have chosen things that could be possibly and/or partially purchased with my birthday fund. I’ve noticed that I’ve become totally indecisive as of late which has given me the appearance of being a shambling retard when it comes to things like figuring out what to wear (I only really own jeans and t-shirts for fuck’s sake) and picking out breakfast cereals (Those Crispy Hexagons have started to look pretty appealing). SO to aid me in making this oh so life altering decision of what I want I wrote up a list of things, with a breakdown of Pros and Cons to each.

Computer Upgrade:

Pros: Less trouble doing artwork, fewer system hang ups than I’ve been experiencing recently, possibility of building a second computer with the spare parts.

Cons: Cost will be an issue as I’d most likely be required to purchase additional parts to create a functioning machine, and while a second machine would be nice for a server/storage type box it would be added power consumption and I’d have to make a space for it. Noise might be an issue as well. And the likelihood of my current components functioning with a new MoBo would be unlikely as things have changed quite a bit in the last 4 years. Upgrade might equal replacement.

Laptop:

Pros: Portability, being able to work on digital art just about anywhere I go, convenience, development as an artist through increasing my effective work time away from my desk.

Cons: Again, dolla dolla bills y’all. I’d have to throw in 2-3x of my own money to get a machine that would do everything I’d want.

Larger Monitor:

Pros: Bigger workspace for my digi art. Like the laptop or computer upgrade, a work-flow improvement measure. Being able to see more makes it easier for me to produce. An LCD monitor will give me loads of extra desk space to work on as well. Less clutter makes me happier.

Cons: None to think of really, other than what to do with these 2 CRTS that are on my desk. They still work good.

Mp3 Player:

Pros: Ability to keep up with podcasts more easily. Power of information. Can listen to language cds for school. Can go on walks and listen to music and all of the above listed media. Possible stress relief.

Cons: Slight possibility of seeming a bit more withdrawn/antisocial than normal. Imminent ear damage.

Nintendo DS:

Pros: Love handheld systems. Can have access to new games and keep up with the world of gaming in some small way. Multiplayer mayhem will ensue with my DS’d friends.

Cons: Will probably not have a chance to buy new games very often as happens with most systems I’ve owned. Major time sink.

Circus Mexicus:

Pros: Seeing Roger Clyne in his element, getting to leave this country of America and seeing something truly foreign (I was in Canada once and it’s like the same damn place as America in that Niagara Falls place, with the exception of all those maple leaves). Fun, music, and a notable experience.

Cons: B-day fund would probably only cover the plane ticket and little more. Would still have to pay for Rental Car, Hotel, and ticket to the show, as well as food and sundry expenses. On the off chance it happens to be a bad experience, I would feel totally robbed.

Talk about Problems.

Please don’t letter bomb me.